Gap Plan
I’m going to keep this quick today, but came across something so basic AND brilliant I just had to make sure you saw it!
I’m a big fan of Brene Brown’s work and I recently heard her talk about how essential it is to have a “gap plan.”
Here’s how this works in a nutshell:
For any number of reasons, at any given time, there may be a gap between where you are in that moment and your 100% full capacity to deal with life and all that comes with it.
Maybe you had a terrible day at work and by the end of it, you’re at, say, 60% of “full capacity.”
That leaves a 40% “gap.”
Make sense?
She also notes that this can happen within a household.
When everything’s great, things chug along at 100%.
Or maybe you have a crap day and are at that 60%, but your partner had a great day and can fill not only their 100%, but also your 40% gap, keeping the household steady at 100%.
But what about when both of you come in the door at 60%?
Uh oh.
That’s where the “gap plan” comes in.
She recommends creating your plan when everyone’s running at 100% so that you’re not making decisions in a state of duress.
The plan essentially is the answer to:
How do we get back to 100% and what are the rules until we get there?
So, example time:
Getting back to 100% generally requires some basic self-care, right?
get 8 hours of sleep
drink a ton of water
move your body (ideally outside)
get some healthy food in your body
Meeting these minimums is always a good place to start when things are off-kilter.
They may not “fix” a problem, but they equip us to be more resilient and better problem solvers, which is definitely a plus when dealing with pretty much everything.
Some other things that can help us get back to 100% include:
meditation or a spiritual practice
minimizing content consumption
massage or other bodywork
carving out some quiet alone time
getting support/spending time with members of our family or community
Nothing revolutionary, right?
But that’s only half of the “gap plan.”
The other half includes creating some “rules” until we’re back to that 100%.
One of my favorites that Brene mentioned was “No harsh words OR nice words with harsh faces.”
There’s a standing rule in my house that I’m “not allowed to start shit after 9pm.”
That exact rule— lovingly bequeathed to me by my therapist when I was in my 20s— changed my life.
Put more mildly: no starting big conversations or addressing grievances or seeking compromise on a divisive topic at night when everyone’s tired.
It’s a recipe for disaster.
Well, when we’re not at 100%, it’s the same as 9pm, right?
So, part of my gap plan includes holding off on any of those kinds of conversations until we’re back to full capacity.
What “rules” can help prevent us from offloading our frustration, exhaustion, anxiety, etc onto the people we love or innocent bystanders?
They should be in the gap plan.
We’re in the thick of it.
Under totally normal circumstances, the second half of December is marked for most folks by exhaustion, stress, and anxiety brought on by everything from end-of-year deadlines to holiday expectations to missing loved ones.
And these are not “normal circumstances” by any stretch of the imagination.
I’m not sure I know anyone in real life at the moment not running with a “gap”— individually, in our households and families, in our communities, and even globally.
And it’s not a small gap, either.
So I encourage you to consider your own “gap plan.”
If you happen to be in a pace where you are doing well and don’t have a gap yourself, consider how you can contribute to closing the gaps in your homes and communities.
Be kind out there.
You never know when even the smallest gesture can have an impact.
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I also wanted to share our incredible group from Saturday! The Say The Word retreat was just wonderful and I’m already SO excited for the next one!
