Use Your Words

How are you?

That’s not rhetorical.

I’m asking you to pause right now, pay attention, and identify the answer to that question.

How are you?

What are you feeling?

Are there feelings beneath those feelings?

Do you notice where in your body you’re feeling them?

What other feelings have you felt today?

How did you wake up feeling?

These can be surprisingly difficult questions to answer, right?

And the complexity of the answers can be a bit jarring, too.

But, wow— when we land on the right word or words to express them fully, it’s huge.

It can make us feel seen and heard, understood.

Not just by others, but by ourselves as well.

That seems like it should be a given, but stop for a second and think about it.

How often have you thought yourself angry when what you were really feeling was disappointment or hurt?

Or believed you were plagued by guilt when it was really shame?

The differences can be subtle, but the causes and consequences can be substantial.

So how do you figure it out?

You get curious.

I know, I know, curiosity is my answer for everything, but well…it often really is.

When we stop, take a breath, and check in with the basic question, “How am I right now?” we open ourselves to whatever answer comes up.

When we follow that with, “Is there anything else?” we allow that there might be more information.

Maybe our feelings are layered.

Maybe we have feelings about whether or not we’re “allowed” to feel what we feel.

Maybe that extra info reveals the subtle difference between what we first thought we felt and what, upon closer inspection, we realized was really going on.

If you google the term “emotional literacy” you’ll be faced with so many resources it will make your head spin.

Which is thrilling, I’ve gotta say.

Learning to read and understand our own emotions and those of others is a critical skill.

There is no job or relationship or position that doesn’t hinge on it.

To be a good leader, partner, parent, teacher, friend, we must be able to recognize and understand the feelings and emotions in ourselves and the people we interact with.

Finding language around those feelings requires exploration.

It requires curiosity.

And since language is how we name and identify and communicate, it’s an integral part of the process.

This Saturday, we’ll be doing some of that exploration of language at my Say The Word retreat.

We’ll be diving into the ideas of release and invitation and how they apply to the end of 2020 and the approach of 2021.

Registration’s open for a few more days and there are just a couple of spots left.

I hope you’ll join us and see what happens when you

Whether or not you can join us for the retreat this time around, I hope you’ll pause and check in with yourself.

Do it during a few extra minutes in your car in the grocery store parking lot or maybe in a stolen moment in the shower or maybe after hanging up the phone after a call.

How are you?

Ask yourself this question and wait for the answer.

Begin to practice finding the right words, the ones that feel most true for you.

I’d like to know how you’re doing, so if you feel like practicing on me, know that I’d like to hear from you, no matter what the answer might be.

You are allowed to feel whatever you feel and all of them are valid.

I hope I’ll see you Saturday!