1% For Resilience
Remember how last week I talked all about the idea of tiny tweaks we can take to improve the quality of our lives and how “1% changes” can compound into massive reaped benefits?
As much as I love abstractions as much as the next person (or, you know, not at all), I’d much rather dig into what ideas like this actually look like in real life.
So let’s do that for the rest of January, shall we?
And I think the best place to kick off this party is with how it applies to our resilience.
Oh, yeah…we’re going there.
By definition, resilience is:
(1) the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness
(2) the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity
Here’s the thing about resilience— it’s something EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS ALREADY.
Some people have more and some people have less, but everybody’s got it.
Which is incredible.
And I’ll bet you already know what I think the most exciting part of it is…yep, you’ve got it:
Resilience can be built up through practice.
Isn’t that awesome?
I don’t know about you, but I take deep comfort in any place in my life that I can exert some agency over, anything that boils down to my own decisions, instead of some randomly assigned talent or set of circumstances.**
Resiliency is such an incredibly empowering place to put that effort and it reaps truly life-changing rewards.
Look, if there’s anything that 2020 (and the start of 2021, because, well, damn...) has taught us, it’s that difficulty will strike all of our lives in some capacity at some point, and in this case all of our lives freaking simultaneously.
It’s sucked. I get it.
I know you’re tired.
I know that you deserve a break from hard things for awhile.
I know that you might not even know what “comfort zone” means anymore, that you’re not even sure you’d recognize it if you tripped over it.
The thing is, even though all of that is absolutely true, it doesn’t mean that life has stopped.
Your kids are still growing and changing and looking to you for guidance and security.
Your body still needs nutrition and movement and rest.
The sun still rises and sets, the weeks pass, the months accumulate.
Time keeps moving.
Your ability to keep moving, too, is critical.
Which is where resilience comes in.
Now let me be crystal clear:
Resilience is NOT pushing past your breaking point.
It is NOT never pausing to rest or take stock or defer things that can be deferred when necessary.
Not only is that not resilience, but it’s a path of unsustainability that leads to self-destruction.
So use your judgment.
Martyrdom is not resilience— don’t mix them up.
So.
How do we create small 1% changes that help us practice and build our resilience?
They all share a common theme: embracing small short term discomforts for greater long-term gains.
It means putting ourselves in slightly uncomfortable circumstances on purpose in service of greater goals.
For example:
getting out of bed when your alarm goes off in the morning without pushing snooze
getting outside to exercise in inclement weather (specifically choosing to deal with uncomfortable weather even when an alternative is available)
saying no to an obligation that doesn’t serve you even when it feels uncomfortable to do so
saying yes to a challenge that stretches you or interferes with a comfortable routine
skipping dessert when you usually have it
running the hill you usually walk
finishing a book you haven’t loved as much as you expected
watching a show your partner or another family member chose that you’re not really into
pushing 1% harder for 10 more seconds on a workout
doing your least favorite chore
finding something genuine and nice to say to someone you don’t care for
writing a letter instead of sending a quick email/text
finishing a commitment (a class or series of appointments, for example) even though you don’t really feel like it
Do see the pattern?
Sometimes the things that don’t really matter all that much are the perfect place to practice showing up the way we want to for the things that DO matter.
So…here’s your homework this week:
Pick one thing, either from the list above or some equivalent of your own design, and work it in this week.
Then let me know how it goes! I want to hear about it, so be sure to tell me all about it!
I’ll start. I have been meaning to get back to running regularly but I’ve been full of all the typical excuses, not the least of which is that the Seattle winter is nothing but cold rain, cold rain, cold rain.
This morning, I bit the bullet and took my crazy mutt for one seriously ugly jog in a forty-degree downpour.
I assure you that it was not something I felt like doing. I could hear the usual chatter begin in my head…I could just do yoga, or get on the stationary bike, or…or…or...
But none of those were running. So I forced myself out the door. On the upside, Chili was all kind of into it and his enthusiasm helped get me out.
And once I was ten minutes or so, it was kind of fun in that “what the hell am I even doing right now” kind of way.
Your turn.
Tell me one tiny 1% tweak you take this week to begin practicing resilience, building resilience.
I want to know.
**Before the slew of indignant emails begins, please know that I absolutely understand that this, like all things, is still affected by privilege and that different circumstances mean different sets of tools. My aim is to empower everyone with as many tools as I possibly can, and that is the spirit in which I offer this information.