How Are You Hiding?
I know I’ve mentioned it a lot here this year, but I’m writing my first novel right now and it’s a doozy of a project.
The section I’m working on is a big one, and an important one, and it spans the World War II years.
As it turns out, writing books is hard— who knew?
I’m scraping up against all my favorite ways to excuse myself from the work when the fear that I don’t have what it takes to do this story justice takes hold.
Right now, what that looks like is, “Lemme buy one more war story on Amazon and when I’m done reading that, then I’ll be ready to write this section.”
(This is only a fraction of my stash…oh, you thought I was kidding? I wasn’t.)
Does this sound familiar to you?
It’s often our favorite formula for not doing our work: “Once _____, then _____.”
Once I take this course, then I’ll launch my business.
Once I get through this tough week, then I’ll start eating better.
Once I’ve lost 10 pounds, then I’ll start initiating sex with my partner.
Once quarantine is over, then I’ll figure out what I want for the rest of my year.
The subtext of so many of these that I hear is the ever ubiquitous “once I achieve this, then I’ll be worthy.”
Here’s the thing.
It might seem like a chicken or egg kind of issue, but it’s not.
We think that if we can just achieve some goal or another, then our sense of worthiness will magically unlock and we’ll be all set.
But it’s the other way around.
We will never reach our fullest potential until we truly and finally embrace the truth of our inherent worthiness.
The truth that we are enough just as we are.
The truth that we do not need to earn our place in humanity.
We began worthy and it’s been with us all the time.
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t work to grow.
This isn’t to say that we can just traipse into any situation and assume we know all we need to in order to perform the required tasks.
But it does mean that our success or failure as we pursue that growth or that work or those tasks has no bearing on our worth whatsoever.
And the sooner we absorb that truth into our very marrow, the sooner we can chase our dreams with the sort of openness and receptivity that is only possible when we haven’t tied our achievement to our worth.
Whether you want to pivot your career, teach what you love, deepen your relationships, or, you know, write a damn novel, it is essential that you begin by reminding yourself that no matter how many hiccups the road ahead of you might have, no matter how many false starts you’ve already navigated, nothing— NOTHING— diminishes your worth.
Nothing.
Fear is always working to tell us that the achievements must come first. But frankly, fear is full of shit.
Fear is most comfortable staying right where we are, hanging out with the “devil we know.”
Don’t buy it.
Begin now.
Begin learning.
Begin growing.
Launch that business while you take the course.
Eat better while you make it through this tough week.
Initiate steamy sex with your partner while you lose weight.
Decide what you want this year while we’re in quarantine.
Write the novel while you do the research. (*cough * cough*)
And work toward achieving your goals while you acknowledge that you are EVERYTHING.
Stay curious out there, my friend.