How To Stop Overwhelm
“I’m overwhelmed.”
It’s the phrase that shows up over and over when I begin working with a new client.
I’d put money on it showing up on every single intake questionnaire I’ve ever received.
It’s the most frequent answer I get to the question, “What are you struggling with most right now?”
Clearly, overwhelm is a thing.
Pause right now and think of a moment where you felt overwhelmed.
What thoughts did you have that initiated your overwhelm? What did that look like?
What did it feel like in your body?
Are you there right now?
Overwhelm can make us feel and act like hamsters on a wheel…running frantically but not actually moving forward in any way whatsoever.
Aka— it’s a dream killer.
It triggers our "fight or flight" response, which means our brains shut down any thoughts not directly related to surviving the experience.
Surviving, not thriving.
To reach our dreams, we need our brains to be able to process a lot more than the basic safety measures necessary for survival.
We need to access all of our capacity for creativity and learning and adjustment and nuance.
So. What do we do about it?
Step 1: We need to be able to recognize when we're feeling it, ideally as early as possible
Step 2: We must commit to doing whatever is necessary to getting off that hamster wheel BEFORE doing anything else
Here’s the thing:
We have choices about how we feel. There are ACTIONS we take that create or add to the feelings we experience.
Your feelings are always valid, but sometimes the thoughts that create them are stories that aren’t necessarily true.
Ask yourself what the thoughts behind the feelings are…what stories are you telling yourself?
Are they true or do they just feel true? There's a difference.
You have more agency here than you’re allowing yourself.
The old Viktor Frankl quote always applies, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
When you feel overwhelmed, or frazzled, or anxious, or fired up about something, YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY THERE.
You are allowed to make a different choice.
Practice.
Practice recognizing what these things feel like in your body.
Practice noticing the shift that happens when you take that first step onto the hamster wheel and it begins to start spinning.
Practice hearing the things you are telling yourself as you take that step, as you move toward the wheel.
Pay attention.
And when you realize that you’re there, that you’ve got the wheel spinning at full tilt, stop running.
Stop. Running.
This often feels impossible.
It’s not.
Stop. Running.
While you’re welcome to attempt to launch yourself off that wheel while it’s whirling away at full speed, it’s often less fraught to simply slow things down.
You know that phrase, “slow your roll”? Feel free to apply it here.
Intentionally begin to slow your thoughts, to step back from them and create some space around them.
How do you do that?
Hit the pause button.
I talk about my favorite ways to “reset” here a lot.
That’s because it’s important.
It's how we allow our sypathetic nervous systems to slow down, to get out of "fight or flight" so that we can think more fully and access our greater cognitive abilities.
We simply cannot make decisions that truly serve our lives from a place of overwhelm or panic or desperation.
Learning to pause and practicing it is the first step in making intentional decisions.
Some ways I hit pause:
Eat something of substance and drink a glass of water (begin here— make sure you’ve got your basics covered first)
Snuggle my dog, or play with him…I remember that his life span is significantly shorter than mine and my time with him is limited and that once he’s gone, I will wish for the chance to toss his ball or bury my face in his fur or just laugh at the weird positions he falls asleep in
Take a shower…it really does work
Do a round or two of sun salutations or dance— just something quick to root me back in my body and allow me to focus on steady even breathing
Meditate— either simply sitting in silence or listening to one on the Insight Timer app...5 minutes is all it takes
Exercise— exertion can work magic
Get outside— it helps me get rid of the urgency factor and always stimulates my creativity and optimism
When you catch yourself thinking that you don’t have time to stop, that is the gigantic red flag that you MUST STOP RIGHT NOW.
Learn to do this.
It will feel uncomfortable. Do it anyway.
Practice it.
This is a “5-3-1" exercise that my friend and client, Rachel, teaches in her mindfulness courses and coaching that I love, love love to use when I need to reset (these are her words, paraphrased):
5 Minutes of Meditation— choose a favorite guided meditation or just choose an anchor, like your breath, and rest your attention on it for 5 minutes (or if you only have 1 minute, do it for 1!)
Name 3 Good Things— list 3 good things in your life right now, or 3 things that you’re grateful for in this moment. Research shows that expressing gratitude and connecting it to people results in more powerful shifts in your well-being. If you’re grateful for your morning cup of coffee, for example, connect it back to gratitude to the person who grew or harvested or roasted the beans.
1 Act of Kindness— Do 1 act of kindness. Give a compliment. Say thank you. Smile and wave at the person standing at the stoplight humbly seeking support.
This exercise is powerful and grounding and a perfect way to practice slowing that hamster wheel down so that you can step right off it and make choices that serve you.
So, I would LOVE to hear from you. Tell me: when did you last feel overwhelmed? How did you reset and move forward?
Did you try the 5-3-1 exercise? How did it work for you?
Exercise the agency you have over how you feel, over what state you make your choices from.
Stop running on that hamster wheel so that you can get down to the business of living the life you know you’re capable of.
I’m with you.
Stay curious out there, my friend.